Dear Songin,

I hope this is finding you in a good place when it reaches you.

This month’s edition of psy-links features an exploration into some of the incredible psychology of “the future self”, and how it can be applied to improve quality of life.

Hope you enjoy,

Niall

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Talk:

The Psychology of Your Future Self — Prof. Dan Gilbert (7 mins)

One of Gilbert's key insights is that human beings are "works in progress", that mistakenly think they’re finished. 

As Gilbert states:

“All of us are walking around with an illusion that our personal history has just come to an end. That we have just recently become the people that we were always meant to be and will be for the rest of our lives.”

Think back to who you were 10 years ago. How different is that person from your current self? Is it not equally as likely that your future self (e.g., in 10 years) will be just as different from who you are today?

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The Growing Evidence Base:

In recent years, a growing body of evidence is emerging which shows the benefits of cultivating a stronger connection to your future self. For example:

— Future Self-Continuity Predicts Exercise and Fitness Levels 

— Lack of Future-Self Continuity Leads to Unethical Decision Making and Behaviour

— Perceived similarity to the future self is associated with greater life satisfaction 10 years after the original prediction

In all cases, the strength of the relationship predicts better outcomes. What might explain this?

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The Most Important Variable in Mental Health - Dr Janina Fisher

In a recent interview, I asked Dr Janina Fisher what she thought the most important variable in mental health is. In essence, her answer was: “Secure attachment”. 

You can see it here. (Skip to 26 seconds.)

This has been on my radar since, and I’ve noticed a pattern running through many of the separate therapeutic approaches we’ve covered in our conferences:

(1.) Insecure attachment is often the root cause of many mental health issues, and: 

(2.) The therapeutic relationship often acts as a “vehicle” for creating internal secure attachment in clients.

Although the language differs depending on the approach, the underlying process is often about helping the client to:

(a.) Differentiate between the different “parts” that exist within (usually in conflict with each other). 

(b.) Cultivate a wise, compassionate, and caring “inner parent” that can see the big picture, think holistically, and lead from within.

In other words, therapy helps to create internal secure attachment between an inner “parent” and younger (often wounded) parts. 

The table below shows the terminology used in different approaches:

There’s even a protocol titled: “The Ideal Parent Figure Method”, which has been scientifically proven to be an effective treatment for CPTSD. (See the study here.)

In all of the above, the therapy helps the client to move from insecure attachment patterns to more secure ones; both internally and externally. 

Could it be that a similar process unfolds when an individual cultivates a stronger relationship with their future self?

In other words, can your future self become an internal secure attachment figure? 

And might this account for the associated positive benefits of strengthening the future self connection?

It certainly seems possible. The question then becomes - how do you strengthen the connection?

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Strengthening the Connection

Research from Brietzke & Meyer (2021) used fMRI scanners to demonstrate that the further we “zoom out” from the present, the less connected we feel to our future self, and the “blurrier” it becomes. 

For example, beyond a period of 6 months, participants’ brain activity when thinking about their future self was similar to when they were asked to think about Angela Merkel. In other words, we think of our future self as a stranger, which means we don’t take their wellbeing into consideration in everyday life. 

If you’re not sure what I mean, this video from Jerry Seinfeld illustrates the point beautifully: 

Night Guy vs Morning Guy (34 Seconds)

The good news is — you can use exercises to strengthen your connection to your future self, which can lead to a cascade of positive changes.

It would be impossible to include them all, so I’ll share two that I’ve found particularly effective.

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1.) Letter Writing

This involves writing a letter from your future self (e.g., 10 or 15 years from now) to your current self, describing what your life is like. Here, you might answer questions like:

— What does a typical day look like for you?

— How are your family and close relationships?

— What does your working life look like?

— What are your predominant character traits?

— What is your emotional life like?

— Do you have a sense of spirituality?

— How are your finances?

— How is your physical health?

Once you’ve built up a holistic picture of what life looks like for your future self, the next step is to strengthen your connection to them.

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2.) Future Self Coaching

Ever notice how easy it is to give good advice to others (e.g., about relationships), but how difficult it is to have this clarity around your own life?

This is known as “Solomon’s Paradox”.

The issue is that we don’t have enough psychological distance from our situation to think objectively about it. 

However, your future self does have this distance, and there’s a way you can tap into their wisdom to improve your clarity and decision making in the present. 

In a nutshell, the idea is to have a kind of “coaching session” with your future self. You do this by opening your journal or a google doc, and literally engaging in a back-and-forth dialogue between your current self and your future self. 

This explainer video (4 mins, 12 seconds) provides step-by-step instructions, and you can use this template to get started.

(Credit = Alex Hormozi.) 

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Quotes: 

“Anyone who isn't embarrassed of who they were last year probably isn't learning enough.” — Alain de Botton

“We remain young to the degree that our ambitions are greater than our memories. Always make your future bigger than your past.” —Dan Sullivan

“Our path is not about what we have done or where we have been; it is about where we are going and what we are becoming, in unity.” — Reyna Aburto

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Books:

— Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It — Kamal Ravikant

This tells the story of someone who used radical self compassion to come back from the depths of suicidal depression, how it subsequently transformed his quality of life, and how you can use a similar approach.

Speculating here - but could it be that developing self compassion is another effective way to cultivate internal secure attachment? (This interview explores the science of self compassion in more detail.)

— Your Future Self: How to Make Tomorrow Better Today — Hal Hershfield

Professor Hal Hershfield from UCLA is arguably the world's leading researcher on the future self and its applications.

His newly released book provides an in-depth exploration of the new science in the field, and how you can practically apply it in your own life.

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A Book on Finding Clarity

Would you like to have more clarity in your life? 

Are you interested in designing your working life in a way that you love the process of what you do every day, while—at the same time—meaningfully impacting the lives of others?

This is the subject of a new book I’m writing… 

At the moment, I’m looking for Beta Readers who will get early access to the book (free of charge) in exchange for providing feedback. 

If you’re interested, simply reply to this email, and I’ll add you to the early access list.